Causes of Conflict with Couples?
Communication breaks and misunderstandings are often the most significant cause of difficulties in relationships. You think you’re doing ok until the disputes begin to build or until you hit a crisis. Then resentments start to develop. And grow. And all the issues that you never really clarified or resolved begin to rise. Every interaction becomes an argument, even if it’s not intended to be.
Every person will have different reactions to relationship conflict – you may shut down and avoid your partner, or become more frustrated and vocal to try and make them understand your point of view. But when issues don’t get resolved, and there is conflict, you’re not only fighting about the current issue but a lot of the past unresolved problems as well.
The biggest challenge we find is that couples postpone starting counselling for too long. Most couples will keep putting it off to a later time because it feels “easier” to carry on and avoid the real issues, and counselling feels like a considerable time and energy commitment. Often, you don’t know how to handle problems constructively or how to find the solutions you need, so you keep getting stuck in the same old patterns of behaviour. You may be afraid of what may emerge once your counselling starts; that you may be accused or blamed for things, or that counselling will make things worse.
How Therapy Helps
Justin Scott focuses on understanding what is happening in the relationship, how it got to this point, and what the major influences are. He aims to understand the cycles of conflict and misunderstanding in the relationship, and teaches the individuals some skills to help with communication, listening, and conflict resolution.
Once you can identify these cycles and patterns, behaviours begin to make sense. Often anger and frustration can dissipate over time, replaced with effective communication, warmth, and acceptance.
Sometimes, however, the relationship will have deteriorated too far, and there is no way to develop positive reactions and behaviours. In these cases, Justin Scott will help you work towards a mature and amicable separation process, so that there is less harm and hurt to all parties, including the children.